


Moments That Words Don't Reach

by kimannebb



Series: Forgiveness, Can You Imagine? [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Reconciliation, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28249209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimannebb/pseuds/kimannebb
Summary: This takes place before the story "There's A Grace Too Powerful To Name" and is Tony's point of view of how he came to decide to show up at the Center to see Steve.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Forgiveness, Can You Imagine? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069361
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Moments That Words Don't Reach

**Author's Note:**

> Story title is from “It’s Quiet Uptown” from the musical Hamilton
> 
> This story takes place after Civil War but before Infinity War and Endgame. 
> 
> A big thank you to faradheia for the beta and always encouraging me. All mistakes are mine.

The view from this corner of the complex is spectacular, it’s one reason Tony made sure to assign the office for Steve’s use.The trees are tall, the sort that wouldn’t fade but turn into brilliant colors in the fall; Tony thought the artist in Steve would’ve appreciated that.Instead it sits empty.

The phone on the desk vibrates in front of him and since it’s the old ass phone Steve gave him, Tony knows it’s Steve calling.Tony wasn’t surprised that Steve fell into a routine with the regularity of his calls however he is taken aback at the increased frequency.For the last several weeks the calls are double what they were at the start and Tony feels that Steve’s starting to ramble in his messages.He isn’t sure if he finds it annoying or endearing.

Fine, he finds it endearing. 

Tony has been wallowing for a while now.He recognizes that it’s wallowing because it feels so similar to how he felt when he and Pepper split up.But he and Steve had never been together so he should’t be this miserable without any special benefits.And Tony would have enjoyed the hell out of the benefits, if there had been any.

Since everything went to shit, or after the fight to end all fights, Tony’s been contemplating his relationship with Steve and how he clearly overestimated their closeness.Or, if he had done something to fuck it up but he’d been so sure that they had found a level playing field and were on the same page.Instead, Steve threw his friends and reputation in the trash all for Barnes; a person who had committed dozens of murders and crimes over the span of decades.

He sighs knowing it’s not that simple.Barnes can’t be held responsible for events that occurred while he was under Hydra’s mind control.Tony’s experience with mind control was short-lived and it had seriously freaked him out, he can’t imagine what it would be like to have no autonomy for _decades_.

Hopefully Barnes won’t remember details of his time as the Winter Soldier for Steve’s sake because Tony’s sure that would permanently wound Steve.

He sighs and flips the phone end over end on the desk as he stares out the window and losses track of time.

Tony’s so focused on the rhythm of flipping the phone he doesn’t hear Rhodey roll in until he clears his throat.He turns his head and is greeted by an unhappy face.

“What’s up buttercup?”

Rhodey rests his elbows on the arms of the chair and clasps his hands.“I’m sure you’re aware of how often you come here and stew.”

“I’m enjoying the view,” Tony says and gestures toward the windows.

“And the view is _that_ much different than… _any_ other place here?”

“I obviously think so.”

“Tony.You’re hyper focusing and it’s not good,”Rhodey sounded disappointed.

Tony turns toward Rhodey, takes in the _very serious face_ and changes his approach.“You sought me out.Is there something you needed?Are you in pain?”Suddenly Tony feels like a jackass for teasing him.

“I’m fine.I’ve been watching you for weeks and you’ve fallen into a routine of self harm and recrimination.”

“Ooooh!Big therapy talk there,” Tony joked to avoid being serious.

“Sam’s been educating me so I can make sure you’re the most healthy you possible.”Rhodey pauses and smiles but Tony feels more like chum in the path of a shark.Wait… Sam?

“You’ve been talking to Wilson?”Tony demands.“For how long?”

Rhodey shrugs as though it’s no big thing to be communicating with one third of the happy trio.Tony’s expecting more tough talk but Rhodey’s voice is soft with kindness, which is worse.

“Let’s not pretend that you haven’t tracked their whereabouts _or_ that Rogers hasn’t been calling and leaving sonnets.”

“No sonnets just pleas of forgiveness and apologies for betraying my fragile heart.”

“Nothing else?” Rhodey pushes.

Tony flaps a hand in the air.“Sometimes he rambles about a new massage technique or god-forbid, the weather.”

Rhodey nods, “And how does this make you feel?”

He stares at Rhodey as though he’s morphed into an unknown creature.They don’t discuss feelings.In their decades long friendship the closest to _feelings_ was after his panic attack and Tony ran away.But Tony’s trying to be a better person and he can see that he’s essentially stuck where Steve is concerned.So maybe a little push is warranted.Rhodey didn’t have to seem so proud of himself though.

“Makes me simultaneously angry and resigned.”

“Resigned?” asked Rhodey.

Tony shrugs, “Because it was inevitably going to happen.”

“That Steve betray you?”

“Why are you so shocked?It happens with 9 out 10 people that get close to me.And you wonder why I hold onto you so tightly sweetums.”

“I think that’s a defense mechanism.”

Tony laughs incredulously.“Geezus, you need to stop talking with Sam.Wow.”

“No, listen, don’t just shove it aside.You and Steve were friends and had a fight, granted…”

“A fight?”Tony interrupts incredulously.“We almost killed each other.We can’t come back from that.”He looks outside so Rhodey can’t see how sad that makes him.He had really thought he and Steve were at the start of something good, before.

“You and I fought, remember how we ruined your house?”

Tony shakes his head, “That was different.”

“Why?Because it was me and you knew, deep down, that I would never truly hurt you?”

“Sure, we’ll go with that.”Tony holds the phone in his hand, frowning at it as though it had personally wronged him.

“I think we can agree the situation with Barnes was unprecedented.I’m not sure how anyone would’ve reacted.But he left you the phone and keeps calling.”

Sighing Tony admits, “There was a letter with the phone, explaining his actions and the first apology.The calls are more of the same, but also like he just wants to talk to me.”

“He does,” Rhodey shares.

Tony glares at him half-heartedly.“Is that your opinion or Wilson’s?”

“Both.”Rhodey pushes the wheelchair closer to the desk, “Steve didn’t start out to hurt you or betray you.He lied by omission because he’s a horrible liar and probably had to pretend he didn’t see the report to ease his guilt… and then Barnes returned.

“I know Steve’s dealt with a lot, we all have,” Tony says and gives Rhodey a pointed look.“He’s a good guy that’s been fucked over by life but the line starts behind us.I think it’s just that I thought he could be the next … you.”

Rhodey smiles, “There is only one of me.”

Tony laughs relieving the tension that was building.“Ok Highlander.”

“Tony,” Rhodey says so very seriously that Tony meets his gaze.“Steve’s not like me though, is he?You don’t want to jump _my_ bones.”

“Ohmygod really?You’re going there.”

“Yes because I’m sick of mopey Tony, I want over confident Tony that is making it so I can walk again.And I think you need to just accept that you like Steve and you want to reconcile but you’re afraid it will make you weak.”

Tony tosses the phone on the desk because he’s angry that Rhodey painted such an accurate picture of the constant argument in his head.And he’s frustrated that he’s not able to come to any conclusions himself.“So what do you suggest, Rhodey?That I answer next time, go see him?He’s calling me but what if that’s out of some strong sense of guilt and he doesn’t actually want to see me?Unlike you and I, there were a few moments in Siberia where I thought he wasn’t going to pull his punches and that we would permanently hurt each other.Or worse.And what about Barnes?”

“Barnes doesn’t matter, what matters is that you need to take action to either move yourself forward with Steve or know for sure it’s done.Maybe you’re right and you both won’t be able to move past what happened, but I think you’re wrong about it.”

“More insider wisdom from your flying friend?”

Rhodey scratches the top of his head.“I can tell you that Steve is barely holding it together, he is also hyper focused and is using their Center as an outlet.Sam is concerned.He knows about Steve’s calls but wasn’t sure what was happening on your end.”

Tony glares at him while his heart flips over and starts beating double time.“That’s a low blow Rhodes, you’re basically telling me that Steve’s depressed.”

“And you reacted because you care,” Rhodey leans forward with a hand on the desk.“You’re not weak for accepting his apology.You’re strong because you accept it and move forward and build something new.As you said, life is fucking us all over, go find yourself a little happiness.”

Tony mirthlessly chuckles.“Are you basically telling me to go bounce Captain America?”

Rhodey cringes, “ _Steve_ , go bounce Steve.Captain America makes it sound dirty… in a bad way.”

“I feel like I have an unfair advantage here knowing that my advances would be accepted while he has no idea.”

“I didn’t say he liked you back, this isn’t the fifth grade.So I would never say that.”The bastard winks.

Rolling his eyes, Tony stands and walks around the desk to face Rhodey.“Thanks for the pep talk.”And while he may sound flip he squeezes Rhodey’s shoulder in heartfelt thanks.“Let’s give your new legs a workout so that you can stop being so lazy, sitting around all day.”

Rhodey laughs and spins the chair toward the door and Tony is reminded of how easy it is with him.He trusts that Rhodey isn’t steering him wrong about Steve’s feelings, so Tony just needs to take the first step.As they head toward the rehab room Tony decides that he’ll show up unannounced and gauge Steve’s reaction.Rhodey’s right, Steve is a horrible liar, as his eyes broadcast his feelings if the person stops to look.It’s one of the images that play on a loop in Tony’s mind from Siberia, the utter look of devastation when Tony turns and confronts Steve.

Tony shoves that thought away and starts making a plan on how to sneak around and see Steve.He doesn’t want to deal with Wilson or local law, he just wants to slip in and out so they can just be Steve and Tony before anyone calls on them to be something else.

With an idea in place, he gleefully starts making plans.“Hey Friday!Make an appointment with Steve through the Center for Monday night.”

“What time sir?”

“Whatever the last appointment is.”

“You got it boss.”

He certainly hopes he’ll get it.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment, as I'd love to hear from you. And if you enjoyed it please leave a kudos :)


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